Prince is dead! Long live gender ambiguity!

I believe I was among the first to find out that Prince died. A friend posted as the news about a death in Paisley Park broke (and let's take a moment to raise a glass to the awesome name of the estate), and I watched coverage live as it was confirmed that it was indeed His Purpleness. That sucks; he was so very talented and way too young to die.

It's not like when David Bowie died and I received personal condolences from many; I wasn't that much of a Prince fan. But boy did I enjoy the hell out of his music, and I appreciated his eccentricity and his experimentation and his general vibe. And although I was aware that the symbol he used as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince was a combination of the traditional male and female symbols, it never seems to have entered my consciousness that like David Bowie, like the character Jo Polniaczek on The Facts of Life, Prince influenced my understanding of what I would now call gender fluidity. but among the coverage, I heard a reporter refer to Prince's gender-bending ways and compare him to David Bowie, and OF COURSE.

Admit it anti-choicers: If abortion is murder, then Trump was right

Yesterday, the celebrity who is the frontrunner in the GOP race to the presidential candidacy commented that women who have abortions should be punished somehow, and the Internet exploded. The pro-choice contingent obviously found that position abhorrent. The anti-choice right-wingers quickly distanced themselves as well, declaring that their position has never been to punish women seeking abortions, even if they achieve their goal of most (if not all) abortion being illegal. As a result, The Orange One himself backed off, “clarifying” that he “misspoke.”

If you are opposed to legal abortion and you don’t think women who have them should face legal consequences, then you are either a liar or you are a hypocrite.

It was my understanding that the majority of opposition to abortion comes from an idea in the vein of life begins at conception, a fetus is a person, therefore abortion is murder. I can’t speak for the right wing, but I am generally of the belief that if a person is complicit in a murder, then that person should face consequences for said murder. Typically in the law, an accomplice faces the same legal consequences as a principal in a crime.

So if you are opposed to legal abortion, and you are also opposed to legally punishing women seeking them, then you either don’t really believe abortion is murder, or you believe that society shouldn’t punish criminals.

This gymnastics that the anti-choice crew espouses to try to get away from the icky mental image of putting abortion-seeking women in jail is solely political, and it exposes a major problem with the concept of making abortion illegal: how to punish the women you’ve just made criminals. Making abortion illegal does not make abortion go away, and if you believe that abortion is murder, then you must believe that women who specifically ask for and pay for abortions (murder for hire?) are murderers.

But that’s the easy part. The harder part is what you do with women who, rather than seeking abortion and risking running afoul of the law, self-induce abortions in one way or another. I used to say that if abortion ever became illegal and I found myself accidentally pregnant, it’s nothing playing a few rugby matches couldn’t fix. Alcohol, drugs, an accidental fall down the stairs...

Or a miscarriage.

Make no mistake. If abortion is illegal, people getting and performing abortions become criminals, and every miscarriage must be investigated to determine whether it was a clandestine abortion. If such steps are not part of the plan, then illegalization of abortion has no teeth. Women wishing abortions can just induce miscarriages and claim they didn’t know they were pregnant or that it was spontaneous or that the fall was an accident.

Murder is a big deal. If you really think abortion is murder, you cannot believe that miscarriages (possible abortions and therefore murders) should not be investigated. If you agree with me that the investigation of miscarriages is not a good use of police resources, then you don’t think that abortion is murder.

Start being honest with yourselves.

We lied - it's not about education: a rant about college athletics

Earlier this month, the New York Times ran a story on the cover of the Sunday Sports section about Keith Frazier, a star college basketball player at Southern Methodist University until an academic scandal got SMU banned from the postseason and Frazier dropped out. It's not a new story; the uncertainty of the term "student" in "student-athlete" has been analyzed to death. Indeed, it was the topic of a 1983 episode of The Facts of Life, which, in my very first crossover post, I've just recapped in my other blog.

I am not sure if it is still commonly believed that high school and college athletics are clean and honest, or if "everyone" is aware of the collusion that goes on so that athletes move through the educational system without getting an actual education. 

Of course, the discussion of the tension between college athletics and academics shows up mostly with respect to men's football and basketball. I refuse to use the term “revenue-generating sports,” because the idea that such sports generate sufficient revenue to sustain both the university in general and other – usually women's – sports, is a myth. Studies attempting to find correlations between athletic success and donations have been inconsistent, and one 2012 study suggests that even if a successful athletic team does spike giving, such an increase only affects the athletic department itself.

Of course, college sports programs have a value to a university beyond the bottom line; I've met many students who want "the complete college experience," which for them includes tailgates and football games. I recruited for a major public university for 10 years, and I understand that athletic programs are crucial in recruiting a certain type of student.

And I like sports. I like sports a lot. You'll find me spending a good amount of my spare time being a spectator, and not just for my favorite non-American flavors: rugby and soccer. Sundays during the NFL season are booked in perpetuity. Baseball games are constantly on in the background while we barbecue during the summer, and I'll bandwagon when the Avs or Blackhawks are doing well. Basketball's not my thing, but I respect it.

So yes, I like sports a whole lot, but I can't tell you the last time I watched and/or cared about a college game. I just can't watch them anymore, because as I watch, I can't stop thinking about how utterly screwed a good number of these children I'm watching are. College sports can exist without gutting the futures of the athletes.

These kids – mostly black, largely poor – are sold a lie. They’re promised that their athletic prowess will guarantee them success, and their education is only relevant to the extent that it facilitates their athletic career. Your grades are only a problem if they affect your eligibility (and that’s a pretty low bar). And if they do, we’ll help you make sure they don’t. And this is just at the high school level.

At the college admissions stage, admissions offices can put up a roadblock, but if the athletic department really, really, really wants a particular kid, roadblocks can be bypassed. Keith Frazier is an example, but he’s not exceptional.

Every single one of those kids who gets recruited by a college to play, academics be damned, expects to play on the big, professional stage. But less than two percent of college athletes go on to play professionally. When the athletic departments are trying to get their wins on the table, it doesn’t matter to them that Tyson the defensive back is never going to get into the NFL. They need him, and therefore he can’t waste time writing this silly philosophy paper.

“But without athletic scholarships, these kids might not go to college at all!” That’s true, and I seriously appreciate the theory of athletic scholarships as a means to a college education. But what has happened is that an athletic scholarship has become a replacement for a college education, to the extent that a student-athlete is an athlete first, and a student second, if at all.

And that’s fine. Let’s just stop lying about it.

If you're a Democrat strategically voting Republican in an open primary, don't do it!

I’ve only been registered to vote in states with a closed primary, so I’ve only ever voted for the Democratic candidate I hoped would win the nomination and subsequently the Presidency. I was always a bit perplexed by the concept of an open primary; it always seemed to me like a tremendous opportunity for a faction to coalesce to play spoiler.

In this year’s nutty primary, it seems that playing spoiler is a popular move. Through personal friends and radio coverage, I’ve discovered that more liberals than I would have anticipated are using their open primaries to try to defeat the GOP’s nomination of he who shall not be named. While I appreciate the creative thinking of such individuals and admit to enjoying the “smarter than thou” feeling generated by using the system in a way it’s not intended to be used, I have to say: folks, you’re not helping.

The revolution might be led by Republicans

So the GOP is now circling the wagons against the threat. Unfortunately, the threat is already right in the middle of the circle. 

We all know of whom I speak. But I don't like
to support views of his face. So here is an
adorable pig instead.

They're now trying to come up with strategies to get around the nomination process. Colorado scrapped its Republican caucus entirely due to some sort of law that requires selected delegates to keep their commitments even if the party's strategy changes. Members of the party are coming up with gymnastics that they can subject their convention to in the event that his steamroll toward the nomination continues.

The Revolution Starts in Colorado

I have to start by confessing something: I didn’t caucus. I never updated my voter registration to my mountain address, so caucusing would have meant a day on the road each way that I didn't want to spend. Plus, I justified to myself, I’m in the same precinct as a bunch of friends, plus students, all of whom I know plan to caucus for Bernie. So even if it’s close in the state as a whole, my area already leans in the direction I would go.

It turns out I was right about that, as no one seems to have been surprised that Bernie carried Boulder County by a large margin. Besides which, Bernie won the state by a very large margin, losing only a few small counties. So many people showed up that the caucus locations were overwhelmed. So it was just as well that I didn’t go, but I do feel bad about failing to exercise my privilege and I don't intend to be this negligent again.

If anyone needs to unfriend me or judge me or chastise me or otherwise sanction me for failing to caucus, I understand. But I hope you will forgive me one day.

Ultimately, though, this is positive for all of us. Bernie Sanders crushed in Colorado, and I think that demonstrates that no matter what happens, there is a critical mass of us in this state committed to change. We can lead the way.

No matter what happens, the people of Colorado have shown that we are ready to jump into the deep end and pursue the ideal. I was skeptical of it at first; I succumbed to the “I love his policies, but he’s not realistic and he’s not electable” mantra for a while. Many thanks to my many friends who encouraged me to support Bernie Sanders not by yelling or shaming or calling me dumb, but by directing me toward resources where I could learn more about the histories of the candidates and make up my own mind. It still frustrates me that it’s another old white guy, but it turns out that he’s the real deal as an ally, and he would be the first non-Christian president (second if one doesn’t consider Catholics to be Christians), as well as the first Jewish president. And I was absolutely persuaded that “I would support him except...” never had a satisfactory conclusion.

Hillary Clinton is an admirable woman who deserves to be lauded for what she has managed to accomplish in a hostile system. The problem is that she’s too entrenched in that system to be able to be the way to break the next wall. It is true that Bernie’s white male privilege has allowed and probably still allows him to get away with things that Clinton can’t (yelling; messy hair), and that's unfortunate, but Bernie's longtime mission is good for everyone. Hillary Clinton can’t be faulted for succeeding in the system. But that system has been tried and it’s failing, and we’re ready to pay attention to that thing this other guy has been yelling about for thirty years.

Here in Colorado, we’ve already led the way in marijuana legalization. And now, whether Bernie Sanders wins or not, we’ve shown that we’re ready to lead the way in some other policies that might be considered radical. It does start making strange bedfellows; I realize that I sound like a total states’ rights flag-waver right now. 

Regardless, something happened today that makes Colorado stand out from the rest of the country, and I am so proud to call it my home. Thank all of you on the left for having my back when I was negligent in updating my registration and failed to fulfill my civic duty. I won’t let you down again.

Meet the Gibbons

I am not feeling current events today. Since tomorrow is Super Tuesday, it feels like the calm before the storm. I didn't watch the Oscars; I've seen reviews many ways about Chris Rock's hosting. It's Leap Day, which has a fascinating history, but there's not much more to say about that.

So I'm going to tell you about my friend Burma and her husband and kids.

I was friends with Burma's husband, Caruso, before I got close to her. Caruso is a ladies' man who is particularly attracted to brunettes, so he warmed to me immediately when I started going to the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago regularly. Caruso had lots of girlfriends, and I didn't want to be one of those, so I never took pictures of him.

In January of 2011, Burma gave birth to Sai, her third son (her two oldest sons no longer lived at the zoo with their parents; they had families of their own in other zoos). At that time I went to the zoo every few months when I went to Chicago with Victor.

In fall 2012, I began going to law school at Northwestern University, living across the street from the zoo, and visiting the Gibbons at least weekly. Caruso would run right over to the glass when he saw me and spin around or squeak or otherwise acknowledge me.

One day my route required me to take my bicycle with me through the zoo rather than leaving it at one entrance. I wheeled it into the primate house and parked it near the entrance end of their enclosure. Caruso came over and greeted me, as usual. Burma was up in the faux tree. I waved to her. I'd been trying to get to know her better since I was there so regularly.

I noticed her looking from the tree down in the general direction of my bike. She inquisitively moved her head sideways and then forward. She was clearly curious. I wheeled it closer to her, and don't tell me I'm wrong when I say that she just wanted to take that thing and roll across the street to R.J. Grunt's to grab a cocktail.

After that, she and I became as close as Caruso and I already were, and sometimes even closer because Caruso can be fickle.

I suspected Burma was pregnant in early 2013. I spent that summer working in the clinic at my law school, so I was there often, throughout the summer. She looked a lumpy and tired and her envy of my bicycle became more wistful than aspirational.

My internship ended in early August and I eagerly returned to Colorado for the rest of the summer. When I returned about three weeks later to start school, Burma, Caruso, and Sai had a new family member.

All adult male gibbons are black and adult females are blond. Infant gibbons are all born blond so that they blend in with the mother and are therefore less vulnerable to predators. When they start moving around, they all turn black, then the males stay black and the females turn blond again. It's a trip to watch. I've only seen boy gibbons grow up so I've never seen the transition back to blond.

Daxin, the new baby, was a boy. it turned out. I got to watch him grow up as I went to law school. I spent at least one hour a week with the Gibbon family: mom Burma, dad Caruso, and children Sai and Dax.

My times away got longer as I spent summer of 2014 in Denver and then organized my schedule so I could take a long spring break back home. In May of 2015 I graduated and moved back to Colorado.

I've been back a couple of times and am excited to visit them in a couple of weeks when we're back in Chicago. Caruso may not remember me, but Burma will, especially if I bring my bike. I miss them. I wish they were on Facebook.