In defense of sex and drugs

For real, y'all, check out what Probcause had to say today:

Yoooo me and @PalmerSquares just dropped our first single from #JunkyardSamurai!! It’s an anthem dedicated to all the smokers and lovers!

💥 RT like there’s no tomorrow https://t.co/KvgHg1hUVO

— PROBCAUSE (@ProbCause) August 17, 2018

If my use of the F word bothers you, you definitely won't want to listen to this song, and it's probably a bad idea to read the rest of this blog. Sorry, Dad.

One of my missions in life is to remove the stigma from certain activities that are automatically categorized as "bad," specifically drug use and promiscuous sex.

The Gender Binary Is Stupid: Early Childhood

It all starts with the idea that you must be either male or female. The inability to allow for an "other" option (indeed, even the need to ask at all) already alienates people who don't fit into the easy either/or boxes we shove infants into before we even wash the slime off them. It's not common, but it's a lot of people.

Then, society keeps attaching assumptions to those categorizations based on genitalia. If you stray too far from those assumptions, you'll probably be a target for bullying, which is often a way for the gender police to "keep you in line."

Snips and snails and puppy dog's tails. Cooties. Boys don't cry. Girls shouldn't be too tough. Girls get in that line, boys get in the other line. No, no, not defined by how you identify, but by what's between your legs. Let's make it clearer: Vaginas in this line, penises in the other line. That is your primary classification.

It's insane. Actually, it's fucking insane, but I'm trying to curse less these days.

Believe her - even if she's saying #NotMe instead of #MeToo

It is outstanding that we are having conversations about sexual assault, harassment, power imbalances, consent, rape culture, privilege, and many of the complex issues that go into improving relations between people regardless of who they are. The conversations are long overdue. It is crucial that we are beginning to understand that sexual assault can encompass a lot more than a stranger-rape with a weapon. We must listen to the stories of those who have experienced sexual misconduct, and believe their assessments. As I've written before, we must also allow people to grow and learn things about their conduct that they might not have realized when eyeball deep in the culture that has evolved so much. Finally, we must believe the stories of those who continue to insist that they were not victimized.

In a Vanity Fair piece she wrote four years ago, Monica Lewinsky discusses how she was victimized in the aftermath of the publicity surrounding her affair with Bill Clinton. I had not thought about her situation in those terms when I read the piece, and I was ashamed to recognize my complicity in her humiliation. It is clear that in the writing of that piece, she sees two distinct phases in the Clinton situation: the relationship itself, and the aftermath. I think it's pretty undeniable that her treatment in the aftermath was unforgivable and anti-feminist.

This piece, written in 1998, is painfully true about feminists' complicated but ultimately regrettable relationship with Bill Clinton. The author was prescient about Hillary Clinton's eventual run for president. We really should have demanded that Bill Clinton acknowledge his shitty past behavior, apologized, and contributed a bunch of money to a relevant and reputable organization. I believe both Clintons have grown since his presidency, and I think both ought to publicly acknowledge that. There is no doubt, in retrospect, that Bill Clinton was a very very big part of the culture that we've learned to condemn.

Recently, Ms. Lewinsky wrote a new piece reflecting on her experience in the age of #MeToo. It deeply provokes thought about the wider implications of the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal and its effect on the nation, as well as its role in the expanding discussion of sexual misconduct. Ms. Lewinsky also reflects on her involvement with Bill Clinton in light of the expanded discussion abuse of power as a manner of sexual assault. I'm sure there are already thousands of comments in every type of media saying ugly things about her, and probably, I hope, there are a lot of supportive comments as well.

I appreciate Ms. Lewinsky's story. It's an extremely important part of the conversation, and I firmly believe that her story is hers, and only hers, to tell. And my story is mine.

Around the same time that the scandal was coming out, I engaged in one of the classically imbalanced relationships: Student/teacher (about twenty years my senior).