August 31, 2016: The day I fully came on board with singular "they"

For several months, I have fully embraced singular "they" when others requested it. I also used it in certain writings where I specifically wished to avoid a gender-specific pronoun. You can see it in action in my article in Colorado Lawyer about transgender discrimination law.

I have long been aware that my queer/progressive/woke/anti-racist identity conflicts with my grammar nerd. I was always good with language, and my excellent grammar became a way for me to distinguish myself. As important to my identity as my social justice activist is my mastery of the white man's English.

Even now, while I recognize that a rigid, prescriptivist take on grammar is oppressive as fuck, I'm also not OK with language anarchy. I love language and I think it deserves respect - I've analogized the regular use of textspeak, for example, to using a designer dress as an apron. Or if “designer dress” has no meaning for you, just substitute a garment that you consider important and valuable. Perhaps a religious garment. Now imagine it being used solely to keep polenta spooge off someone's clothing. 

Here is an inspirational passage from my favorite book. Some of you have may have seen me use it in presentations before.

In this box are all the words I know. Most of them you will never need, some you will use constantly, but with them, you may ask all the questions which have never been answered and answer all the questions which have never been asked. All the great books of the past and all the ones yet to come are made with these words. With them there is no obstacle you cannot overcome. All you must learn to do is use them well and in the right places. 

– King Azaz the Unabridged, ruler of Dictionopolis

Today, I finally got around to watching this video that my friend/teammate/fellow word nerd Patty sent me a couple of weeks ago. I'm sorry, I can't figure out how to embed it. It looks like the Baltimore Sun just posts these videos straight to Facebook. Anyway, trust me. It's worth watching.

For those who prefer not to watch, it is essentially an old white dude explaining prescriptivist arguments for singular "they." It also has a Star Trek joke. 

I am sorry, truly, that it took this to make me fully embrace singular “they.” But I am also amused, as well as comforted. I don’t have to turn my back on my elite grammar person bullshit just yet.

Hey, we all have work to do.

Meanwhile, would you buy this bumper sticker?

Singular “they”

CHAUCER, MUTHAFUCKA!!